After 15 years of marriage Rhoda Janzen, author of ‘Mennonite in a Little Black Dress’, found a picture of her husband’s penis on gay.com.

According to online dating advice site Poppy’s Page almost half of online relationship break-ups occur via email.

And, it’s digital D-day in Heat Magazine for countless celebrity romances as inappropriate texts, twitters and Facebook posts hit the headlines.

It’s common knowledge that as a nation we’re logging on to find love. One in five marriages start online. The UK’s 1400 dating sites will be worth £150m by 2014. Mobile is bringing new opportunities and growth.

But, at the other end of the funnel it seems digital is increasingly becoming a disabler, rather than an enabler, of relationships.

It may seem counterintuitive on Valentine’s Day to look at how technology is torpedoing romance, but of course it’s not the digital devices that are to blame. It’s how we’re using them.

As the number of single people in the UK heads to 15 million our ability to attain and maintain relationships is going down with bad behavior online becoming a major game changer.

So how, and why, is this happening?

1. The love cycle speeds up. From first meet (or tweet) to marriage, relationships are moving faster. Married couples that meet online average a courtship of 18.5 months compared to 42 for those who don’t while the average length of an internet relationship is just seven short months.

Dating and mating in the olden (i.e. pre-digital) days might have been a like-it-or-lump-it affair, but relationships tended to stick for better or for worse. But in a world of global choice relationships are found and forsaken in a heartbeat.

2. Internet infidelity is easy. One-third of divorce litigation in the USA is now sparked by online affairs according to CBS News while statistics reveal that 50% of people engaged in internet chat rooms have made phone contact with someone they have met online and 31% of online chats led to real life sex.

The excitement of an online flirt is pervasive yet according to DivorceMag only 46% of men believe that online affairs are adultery. Their partners, understandably, see it differently.

3. Delusion sets in. The digital world encourages fantasy. It’s an escape where anyone can be who they want to be. And, living with that feelgood high is better than living with the reality bite of day-to-day living.

55% of UK daters say they have experienced online dishonesty. One-third admit to lying about themselves online. Men tell porkies about age, height and income while women stretch the truth about weight, physical build and age.

4.  Emotions disconnect. The internet might mean we can skype Aunt Bessie in Australia but in terms of romantic relationships, digital kills intimacy, or rather creates false intimacy that is risk free and emotionally distant. Couples communicate remotely, so avoiding each other and themselves.

At the other end of the spectrum texting explicit material to strangers shows equal unavailability. It’s a sterile show of affection with no exchange of feeling or fluids.

5. Partners become throwaway. According to Llana Gershon, author of ‘The Breakup 2.0: Disconnecting over New Media’ when it comes to digital break-ups ‘the medium is at odds with the message.’ Dumping via e-mail, social media posts or tweets is a one-sided job. Human connection is lost and there’s no comeback. Which is exactly why digital dumpees do it this way.

So, how should we as human beings address the darker side of relationship behavior that digital technology allows?

Not by playing technology at its own game as some websites such as chatcheaters.com suggest. Invisible software, GPS tracking devices, and e-mail traces may keep tabs on partners but don’t build trust.

I think Sherry Turkle, author of ‘Alone Together: Why We Expect More from Technology and Less from Each Other’, is onto something when she says we haven’t yet learnt to use technology to suit our human purpose.

Just because we grew up with technology doesn’t mean to say technology is all grown up. The onus is on us to shape it, and our use of it, for the better.

So, if any of the above resonates with you, step away from the computer and invite your partner to a cosy Valentine’s dinner full of warm conversation.

If they text to say they can’t make it, suggest they get a penpal until they learn how to be a partner.

Photo thanks to .bobby @ Flickr